Hope
by Aisling Yinyr Ngaio
Summary: Post OotP. ’“Haven’t you ever wondered why I’ve always turned you down?” she asked gently.’ James found Lily at the Astronomy Tower alone one night. He had a heart to heart talk with her and found out something startling: he still had a chance!


**Hope**

James Potter couldn't sleep. He had been tossing and turning in his bed for the whole night. Unsurprisingly, it was because of the one and only Lily Evans. She had turned him down. Again.

He punched his pillow in frustration. Just what had he done wrong? OK maybe the showing off part was a bit… arrogant, but why did she take it so hard? Even Remus didn't. Did she hate him so much, as much as Snape, just like she claimed she did? He just couldn't help showing off to her. He wanted her recognition, not her rejection. He wanted her so badly, but he just managed to screw up time and time again.

Heaving a deep sigh, he got up and pulled out his Marauder's Map. Resigned to the fact that he wouldn't be able to sleep tonight, he might as well do a bit of sneaking around, his favourite past time other than flying, which was obviously not a choice here. The outside sky was pitch black. He would hardly be able to see a hundred metres in front of him.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good," he whispered the words quietly, so as not to disturb any of his friends and co-Marauders. He wanted to go out alone today. Ink started spreading out from where his wand touched the old piece of parchment, which fanned out and drew a map of Hogwarts, with all its secret passages, or at least the secret passages they've found, and the Marauders weren't called the Marauders for nothing. A quick scan told him that no one was near Gryffindor Tower. Argus Filch and Mrs. Norris, the nosy caretaker and his ill-tempered cat, were at the far side of the castle. Professor McGonagall was in her bedchamber. So far, so good. And up at the Astronomy Tower was Lily Evans. Alone.

Looks like it wasn't only him who was spending a sleepless night then.

Slipping into comfortable bedroom slippers and putting on his inherited Invisibility Cloak, just in case any teachers decided to take a night time stroll as well, he quietly slipped out of the dormitory and exited through the Portrait Hole. The Fat Lady grunted in her sleep as her portrait was pushed open, but otherwise gave no other sign of recognition. Making his way silently to the tallest tower at Hogwarts, he wondered what could have kept Lily awake. He took one last check on the map before whispering "Mischief managed", wiping the map blank and stuffing it into his pocket.

He reached his destination and caught his breath. Lily was sitting by the window, with the moonlight poring through and catching her beautiful features. Her auburn hair was tied up in a loose bun and she was hugging her knees, perching her chin on top of them. James was mesmerised. She was oblivious to the harm she was causing him, killing him slowly with his trapped desires. He wanted nothing more to hug her to his chest and kiss her till he ran out of breath, but he knew he mustn't, not because Lily would probably slap him across his face, but because he had been brought up to respect women, and he would never touch her if she didn't want him to, even if it caused him indescribable agony.

James stood transfixed at the peaceful sight before him for a long time. He wanted to savour that image forever. _You're so beautiful, Lily…_

"James? I… I mean…" James hadn't even realised that he had said that out loud, but Lily had, and she had turned around to behold the messy hair teenager standing right behind her. She looked a bit embarrassed when she perceived that she had called the egoistical James Potter by his first name. James watched amusedly as Lily struggled internally for a bit, whether to correct herself and go back to calling each other with their last names, which, in both their opinions, was just juvenile and plain childish, or just to let it be. Then, with a secret, unreadable expression, she shrugged and said, "Oh, screw it. James, what are you doing here?"

James had expected to be reprimanded, had expected to be lectured, and so he had prepared the whole "you're-also-up-here-so-don't-you-lecture-me" front. But the way she questioned him wasn't filled with her usual I-don't-like-you-so-don't-you-dare-hit-on-me voice. It was, unless James's ears deceived him, full of… curiosity? Concern? And… friendship?

Deciding not to comment on this, just in case it ticked her off, he replied in a nonchalant tone, "Couldn't sleep, so I thought… well, I… I fancied a walk." _I couldn't sleep because of you, and I fancied a walk to see you_, he added in his mind mutely. "May I?" he added, gesturing at the floor beside her. Lily nodded, accepting his explanation without question, and switched her attention back on the almost-full moon. James sat down next to her. He was determined not to let the opportunity of having a civil conversation with her slip.

"What about you? Why are you here, then?" he asked in return. Once again, Lily turned her emerald eyes on him, regarding him with an innocent gaze that made James fall all the more for her. After a while, she spoke, "I couldn't sleep either, so I just came up here to see the moon. I usually do when I need to, you know, sort things out and stuff." She cocked her head to one side for a moment. "James… Can I ask you something?" He tensed up at that, but nodded mechanically all the same. _This can't be good._ "Umm… Why do you always…" _Go after you? That's easy_, James thought.

"Because I like you."

She stared at the response, and then replied suspiciously, "You always hex students in the hallway because you like me? That's strange. I don't remember anything that says…"

"Oh, Merlin… I'm sorry Lily. I thought you meant 'Why do you always ask me out'. I didn't mean… Well… sorry…" James responded, reddening by the second. Lily seemed to relax a little. When James didn't continue, she prompted him, "Well?"

"Well what?" A very confused, and still very much embarrassed James Potter looked back at her. She smiled, and repeated her question. James was ecstatic. She had smiled at him. But the question on hand…

"Er… well… I… er… I… please don't be mad Lily. Please? And don't hate me for it," he begged earnestly. Lily's heart softened as those hazel eyes, those heart-stopping hazel eyes, almost always so filled with arrogance and mischief, was lifted pleadingly towards hers. She relented. "All right, I'll try, but I can't give promises that I will be able to restrain my emotions. Fair enough?"

"Fair enough," James said nervously. "Well… Umm… Actually, I don't _always _do. No, Lily, I speak the truth. Honestly," he told her hastily but diligently, as she raised a sceptical eyebrow at that statement. "It's just that… well, you know I like you and all, right?" When she nodded, he continued, "Every time I'm around you, I turn into a total wreck. Really, Lily. I want so much to impress you, to have you notice me, to maybe have you to go out with me. I really really like you Lily. You're not just another conquest or anything. I just… well, all right, I do hex students once in a while out of your sight," Lily smirked triumphantly at that confession. "but that's when I was really young and thoughtless! I don't do it often, honest! I just… make a complete fool of myself every time I see you near me. I really couldn't help it."

Lily snorted. "Really, James, after so many years of the plan not working, you should have known well enough to change your strategy. Sometimes I wonder if it is because you just like to have me yell at you," she countered, amusement dancing in her eyes.

James gave a small sigh, not at all playful or dramatic. "Believe me, Lily, I've tried. It's… so hard to control myself when you're within fifty metres of myself. I always try to look for your approbation, and, well, you always turned me down." He uttered the last part with so much sadness that Lily was sorry for him. Yet, she had to do what she had to. She simply could not accept him when he was being such a complete arse, even if it was because he wanted to impress her, which she was very flattered when he told her that. Still, it was completely unacceptable to her. She could not have a bullying toerag for a boyfriend, although he might be good and kind towards her.

"Haven't you ever wondered why I've always turned you down?" she asked gently. James raised his head at that question and looked at her enquiringly, interested. "Because, James, you are being an insufferable bully. No, please, I know you're trying to impress me, but let it be known, James, that I could never say yes if you keep on doing this. You said it was hard not to, that you've tried to stop, but I think you aren't trying hard enough, if this is really so important to you." Lily took a deep breath before plunging on, "Honestly, James, how could you expect me to like a person who hexes other students for fun, or," James started to protest loudly at that, leading Lily to roll her eyes exasperatedly and continued, "all right, a person who hexes other students to show off, just to make them look good and the victims look bad? Come on, James, have a little more sense than that. If it weren't for the fact that you bullied, I would've…" she trailed off, suddenly self-conscious of how much she had nearly let slip. No, she wasn't the type of girl who wears her heart for the world to see, lest it should be her downfall. She would not tell. He'd have to find out for himself.

James hung his head, not even realising that Lily had turned crimson at her slip. He had tried so hard to change, especially after that day in fifth year after their Defence Against the Dark Arts O.W.L. theory paper. He had been angry at first when she shouted at him, and had taken out his anger at the best target: Snivellus. Once, he had calmed down, he began to rethink what she had said, which, in spite of _her _temper, had been true. He had since strived to correct his behaviour. Though the itch of hexing someone sometimes came back to haunt him, he had improved quite significantly, or so Remus said (Lily actually thought so too, but she wouldn't say). The only exception was Snivellus, but even then, James had made it a point to never start a duel. He promised himself never to lift his wand against Snivellus again unless it was in self-defence. "Point taken. I'll change before the seventh year starts. I promise you, Lily, with my heart and soul I do."

There they sat, side by side, two teenagers at the top of the Astronomy Tower, for a long time in silence. Yet, it was a comfortable and peaceful quiet. Both pairs of hazel and emerald eyes were fixed on the moon, shining down on them, blessing them with a long road ahead of happiness and joy with each other. At some point, Lily had unconsciously laid her head on James's shoulder, and he had commenced stroking her hair absentmindedly. They never felt more at peace with each other, and the feeling of contentment was so relaxing and soothing.

It was Lily who broke the silence. "Shall we return to Gryffindor Tower then? Dawn is coming soon. We're going to need some sleep. We don't want to walk into McGonagall's classroom looking like we've just came back from the dead." Lily chuckled at her own thought. James agreed. He stood up, and offered his hand to Lily, which she took gratefully. Together, the both of them walked through a now slumbering castle, heading back towards Gryffindor Tower.

"You know, I'd never thought I'd actually see the day when I would have a decent conversation with Lily Evans." It was James's turn to laugh lightly as he spoke. "The way you rant and storm at me at every available opportunity, I thought it was next to impossible that you would ever speak to me civilly."

"Well, I only rant and storm at you when you lord over the other students, didn't I?" Lily shot back, pretending to look stern. "Which is, now that I come to think of it, almost every time I see you. I seriously wonder if I really have that much of an effect on you."

"You do, Lily. Ask Sirius or Remus or Peter if you don't believe me. Sirius even claimed that I've been drugged with a love potion, or something equally ludicrous." Lily laughed outright at that idea. James was pleased she wasn't offended that Sirius thought she had him under a spell. "And I was desperate. You act as if you don't notice me when I'm doing nothing. I had to do something. And being thoughtless, that something came out to be complete rubbish. I'm sorry, truly I am. And thank you, Lily, for tonight," he concluded sincerely. "For giving me a chance to change." Lily smiled back at him, saying nothing, but it was enough for the both of them. Words failed them, yet they comprehended each other perfectly.

They reached the portrait hole and had to shout the password three times before the Fat Lady stirred somewhat from her deep slumber and swung forward without opening her eyes. The pair quickly ducked into the common room, in case the caretaker or his bothersome cat were attracted to their shouts and came to put them in detention faster than they could blink.

At the stairs, they paused. James was unwilling to let Lily go. He was afraid that it would all turn out to be a dream in the morning, or Lily would go back to being cold and ignored him. "Well… Good night, then, Lily. See you later today."

"Good night James. Sleep well," Lily replied softly, then unexpectedly reached up and touched his cheek with her lips. She drew back, smiled at him, and then disappeared up the winding staircase that led to the girls' dormitory, leaving a stunned James behind. He tentatively touched the spot where Lily had kissed him good night, to make sure that it _really _wasn't all a dream. When he summarised that it really wasn't a dream, that Lily Evans had actually kissed his cheek, a goofy grin spread across his face as he stared up the staircase she took mere seconds ago.

He realised then and there that there might still be hope for their future yet. He would not give up, not now that he knew he stood a chance to win the girl of his dreams. And he vowed he would prove to the world that he and Lily were meant to be.

– _Finis –_


End file.
